tiffkin and I have been on a two week wedding spree recently, and with it has come a rehearsal dinner, two receptions, a first ever pink shirt/tie combo, and a peculiar recognition of several marriage musts . . . well, maybe more like marriage must-nots. I’ve noticed some taboos, lines not to be crossed when nuptiality is on the line. These are things that may fit at another party/celebration, but definitely do not fit in a wedding.
1. showing up in running shorts and yelling out, “Whew! It’s HOT out there!”
2. cutting in on the bride & groom during their first dance (especially if still wearing running shorts)
3. removing bride & groom’s meal at reception and replacing it with a Happy Meal
4. dipping any member of the wedding party . . . for any reason
5. running forward during the ceremony to tell the pastor/priest his zipper is down (or, in case of Levi’s 501 jeans, in need of buttoning)
6. signing false names into the guest registry (which, I’m sorry to say, I’ve done)
7. pouring dirt and/or other unwanted material onto the bride’s car (yep, did this one too)
8. to feed another person wedding cake while he feeds you back (oh man, I’ve done all these)
9. to do anything with the garter belt that even resembles taking it off with your teeth
10. to say to the groom when escorting his bride around the dinner, “I think her sister is prettier.”
Any wedding taboos you can think of?
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never help yourself to a taste of that pretty cake they have sitting out.
never say to the bride, "THAT'S the dress you picked out?"
never say out loud during a ceremony: "unity candles are stupid" (oops, have done that several times.)
never try to strike up a conversation with the bride in the lobby right as her bridesmaids are beginning to walk in ahead of her.
never start the wave if the ceremony isn't starting on time.
and never tempt the flower girl with candy... unless she's running around the front of the church (we had to do that, too! right, cindy?)
Never streak through the ceremony (maybe the the after party)
Never yell out Cheese as the bride is walking to the alter (opps I've done that)
Never tell the maid of honor you hope the groom will stop hitting on you soon
Never say to ANYONE I can't believe he married HER I thought for sure he'd get back with his ex
Okay I can't top that last one
Never wonder out loud whether the bride is pregnant.
Never dump a container of water on the bride and groom after they are pronounced man and wife. (Or is that just a Wyo. thing?)
Never flirt with the groom/bride at the reception in hopes of picking them up. (Do you feel lucky or just plain stupid?)
Don't dance a fast dance at the reception if you are wearing a strapless dress. (Unless you are a male and in that case I'm at the wrong wedding!)
Don't show up late and want to find a seat just as the bride is coming in.
Don't forget to have the pastor sign your wedding license or you may go on your honeymoon and find out you weren't legally married. (That's the only one we are guilty of.)
These have all happened, except the first one, which I would have done if I wasn't here.
Don't show up in a bridesmaid dress, and sneak to the front of the ceremony, if you aren't one. (actually do that, it would be awesome.)
If the pastor/priest is going to talk about you, make sure they tell you what about because it makes for an awkward situation if they talk about how you waited to consumate your marriage, and will be doing that later, in front of all your friends and family.
After the above happens, don't ask the couple what they are going to do tonight.
Wait to get put under house arrest until after your sisters wedding.
Don't move to Afghanistan right before your close friends get hitched. If you do, be sure a life size picture of your head is present for the group photos.
don't say to your significant other in a stage-whisper, "what...ANOTHER song?!" when the slideshow hits tune number four. that might be fine during the reception, but it gets a little long during the ceremony.
don't walk into the church just in time to wave to the bride as she stands outside the sancutary doors, ready to walk in. this is my signature move.
if you're the bride, resist the urge to come out of the nighttime woods cloaked in a red-riding hood, reciting dramatic lines from Song of Solomon. we attended that wedding.
i, personally, think people should start breaking the mold. have weddings where people CAN wear shorts when it's hot outside! i have a friend who is planning a (hypothetical) wedding that her dad can attend in shorts and a reception that includes volleyball. i say, "go for it."
DO bring a bag of crackers for the two two-year old flower girls and DO take them out of the ceremony once it goes past the hour mark.
i don't think there were any egregious errors on the part of the wedding guests this weekend. at least not by me or baj. we behaved. and did the chicken dance. :)
Well, we missed the garter and the flowers. You, my dear, are 0 for 2.
Another taboo: Lay off the alcohol before the ceremony, especially if you are the officiate.
Another taboo: Doing the chicken dance during communion.
Oh, one final taboo: Proposing to your girlfriend at someone else's wedding reception. Tempting, yes. A good idea? No.
baj, you can go ahead and explain that last comment for us. have you seen this happen?
No, but I could see someone doing it. Your mind is on wedding, wedding, wedding . . . . and then you get together with a bunch of other people and their minds are on wedding, wedding, wedding. And somewhere it pops in your head that, "Now would be a good time to ask her to marry me." You're both in some romantic dance position. You're both thinking about wedding, wedding, wedding. And you happen to have a ring in your pocket. Why not take the mike from the DJ and make a little announcement of your own?
No, I haven't done this and would never do it. This was just a good laugh tiffkin and I had when talking about wedding taboos.
why would someone have the ring with him?
I know someone who did that. He wasn't an especially creative person to begin with so it didn't really suprise anyone. I agree, proposal at a wedding is bad.
I think a good way to propose is to just start introducing the person as your fiance. Thats what my Dad did.
Or trick her into going to her own wedding. Invite the press to see the suprise and under the pressure, she'll have to say yes. My parents friends did that.
I saw a guy propose to his girl on the Today Show. They were standing in the crowd and he got the camera man to come to him and he proposed right there. Unfortunately, the girl responded, "Are you kidding me?!" She didn't look excited but she did say yes (kind of). I wondered if there would be an immediate "no" when the camera was off.
Don't do that.
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