if you ever land in wyoming

I got on a plane earlier this week; no one needed to tell me where it was headed. I could see Wyoming from first glance -- in faces, in hairstyles, in clothes, in dialect. It was so clear and recognizable.

For those of you not as attuned, let me help you out. Here are 10 certain signs you are in Wyoming.

1. Most of the trucks are 4x4, covered in dirt, and hoisting a buggy whip off the back end.
2. Men will freshen up after coming in from the corral by sliding a wet comb through their hair and washing their hands with orange goop.
3. You will drive 10 miles on the countryside and not see a single tree.
4. You will see coal dust pluming on the horizon as if a bomb just went off (actually, it did!).
5. There will be more antelope on the golf courses than people. If you hit an errant shot, the antelope will steal your ball.
6. There will be long lines for the Rec-Center waterslide, and even longer lines for the sno-cone and nacho shack.
7. On a run/walk, 85% of the drivers will wave as if they are your relatives (20% actually will be your relatives).
8. Your father in law will have a belt buckle that is larger than a dessert plate. He will have a story about a moose sighting or a bear mauling that will make your stories seem inadequate.
9. The wind will be plentiful, dry, and containing less oxygen than you are used to. You will not have to wonder why the grass is brown until June.
10. The towns will be very proud of their identity, and will display it in statues, paintings, and memorials everywhere you look. In a week's time, you will know more about Native American art than all your friends.