luau leftovers

I found today, through some searching, that I currently possess five coconuts. Any ideas what I should do with them?

letteth your speech be seasoned with salteth

I admit I was taken back yesterday when our pastor began speaking about his daughter's abdominal troubles, and he started correlating it with passages in the Bible that talk about "bowels of compassion." He said there was a possibility his daughter was having problems in her intestines because leaders in the world didn't have bowels of compassion, which was so amazing that I nearly laughed out loud on spot. Ah, what a lovely church world we live in . . . . always trying to throw something in that sounds biblical so people will think we have spiritual answers for everything that happens in our lives. I understand why we do it, but it sometimes gets so silly.

We have a powerpoint operator in church who struggles with this as well. While singing the song "Adonai," the screen repeatedly shows this line:

You are Lord over all thee Earth
You are Lord over all thee Earth
You are Lord over all thee Earth
You are Lord over all thee Earth

When asked why the word "thee" shouldn't be reduced to "the," the operator simply responded, "Oh, but 'thee' sounds so much more spiritual and holy. I like it." Well, maybe it does, but buddy, it means 'you.'

Do you have any favorite Christianese sayings/stories?

hush hush

I am a fan of secrets. That is no secret. If you get to know me for any length of time, you probably will find that I love doing things in hushed tones and then watching for a response. It's one of my favorite things.

The response is actually the most important part, because if your secret never comes to a place where people actually want to know what it is, then it ceases to be a worthwhile secret and wanders over into the realm of "things no one cares about," or "things that should stay hidden." I'm not a fan of hiding things without reason, but I am a fan of purposely flying under the radar from time to time while the world around goes on in its silly, uninformed, all-too curious state. There's magic and mystery in the things you don't know. There's a precious art in looking forward to the things you can't see. These aren't the things you don't know you don't know (as someone famous once said), these are the things you know you don't know, but you know for certain that you want to know them.

So with that said, I, at current count, am up in the neighborhood of 7 legitimate secrets that I am currently maintaining. No, there's nothing to be scared of. I just like to be sneaky. Time will reveal all things that are worth revealing, and that's what takes the fear away when I know my little kinivings have come and gone. I hope some day my hushed tones bring a smile to your face.

What was a time you kept a really good secret? (don't giveaway anything current, unless you feel so led)

delicacies

Realizing I have a unique and often complex sense of humor, I'm not sure this will strike others as funny as it did me, but I laughed so much when I heard this that I knew I had to write it down. We were at a party last Sunday (sorry for not blogging), and someone brought a Spam-equivalent to share with the group. It was so bizzare that I didn't know how to respond. What would you do if you went to someone's house and they served you this?

Libby's Potted Meat Food Product (because they have to tell you it's food)

Ingredients: mechanically separated chicken, pork skin, partially defatted cooked pork fatty tissue, partially defatted cooked beef fatty tissue, vinegar, less than 2% of: salt, spices, sugar, flavorings, sodium erythorbate, and sodium nitrate.

Recommendations: stir in chopped onion, salsa, or pickle relish for variety.

yummy. i can't wait!